Undetected Rapists

• The truth about the rapist is that he can and does look like "any man." He is a doctor, a lawyer, a corporate executive, a college athlete, professor, the "good" Samaritan who offers help to the stranded woman, the handsome guy she meets at a friend's house, someone from a dating service, the former boyfriend who still has a key to the victim's apartment.

• It is only within the past 20 years that the truth about rape and the sex offender has begun to emerge. Studies of victims reveal that barely 10% ever report the crime, and that 80% are raped by men they know to some degree.

• Sex offenders who attack women they know are sometimes tagged with the misnomer, "date rapist." Often, there is the implication that the man and the woman went out on a date, started having sex, and then "somehow things got out of hand."

• These sexual offenders typically manipulate their victims into positions of vulnerability by getting them alone in a room, a car, or in a secluded area. They lure their victims with alcohol and /or sweet talk them by telling them what they want to hear and make them believe that they are so irresistible that they can’t help themselves.

• Perhaps the clearest indicator of the premeditation behind these assaults is the fact that they tend to be repeated. Recent research indicates that, undetected rapists are repeat offenders who use violence in many domains.

• Sexually aggressive behavior is typically part of a belief system that views women as sexual objects to be conquered, coerced and used for self-gratification. Undetected rapists are much more likely to hold stereotyped beliefs about the "proper" roles for women and men in society, and to rigidly adhere to those beliefs. They adhere to "rape myths" that both justify their aggressive acts and foster them. Their adherence to rape myths and rigid stereotypes frequently allows them to distort their perceptions of their victims' behavior. For example, because they tell themselves that "women say no to sex even when they really want it," they can disregard their victims' obvious signs of terror and resistance.

• Undetected rapists have repeatedly been found to harbor chronic, underlying feelings of anger and hostility toward women. They typically feel easily slighted by women, and carry grudges against them. This underlying hostility is easily evoked and colors their distorted perceptions of women as "teasers" who either "secretly" want to be coerced into sex, or else "deserve" it. These men have also consistently been shown to have strong needs to dominate and to be in control of women, and to be particularly fearful of being controlled by women. This characteristic leads them to view sexual relations as "conquests," and all women as potential "targets" of conquests. Consistent with their very stereotyped beliefs about sex roles, undetected rapists are shown to be more emotionally constricted than nonaggressive men. They are less able to label their own emotional experience, and much less emotionally expressive. As a consequence, they are also less capable of resonating with the emotional experience of other people, and are therefore less empathic than nonaggressive men.

• While the traditional view about incarcerated rapists was that they harbored deep-seated anger towards their mothers, the evidence indicates that among undetected rapists, anger and disappointment about their fathers is far more salient. For some of these men, damaged relationships with their fathers appears to feed their need to view themselves as hypermasculine, and to drive their rigidity and stereotyped beliefs and behaviors. Another developmental factor that has been associated with sexual aggression is child abuse. The rate of child abuse among undetected rapists, particularly childhood physical abuse, is much greater than it is among nonviolent men.

• Obviously, there is no one profile or even group of profiles that characterize these undetected sex offenders; in fact, research indicates almost precisely the opposite. They come from all races and ethnic groups, all professions and all socioeconomic classes. However, many of these sex offenders are likely to differ in significant ways from sex offenders who attack strangers. For example: Most undetected sex offenders have committed multiple offenses without ever being confronted by a law enforcement officer. Many of these sex offenders will possess very smooth personal styles. They may have considerable psychological sophistication. If confronted with an accusation, they may quickly and smoothly focus the conversation on the behavior of the victim, subtly undermining her credibility and laying the foundation for the inevitable "consent" defense.

• They often downplay the seriousness of the situation and the charge. They will insist that their actions should not be considered "real rape.”

• For example, many undetected sex offenders firmly believe that they are completely different from a real rapist. These offenders may be convinced that using a "little force" is simply "rough sex;" that it is not "real rape" but adds to the intensity of the sexual experience. They may fantasize and verbalize kinky sexual scenarios to play out. They may suggest using ropes, handcuffs, whips, candle wax, blindfolds, or a variety of sex toys to heighten their experience.